
Where Are You Cheating?
This is an excerpt taken from a book I read a while back entitled, ‘Choosing to Cheat’ by Andy Stanley. I hope that is challenges you to evaluate how you spend your time as much as it has me.
“Everybody cheats. We have to. You have several important calls on your life. You have career potential to fulfill, a spouse to love, a family to raise, a ministry to perform. The list goes on. Each of these things has tremendous merit in your life and for the world at large. None of them should be neglected.
However, when you consider the limited number of hours in a day, there’s no way you can reach your full potential in all of those areas. There’s just not enough time.
Your situation isn’t that different from mine. If you stayed at work until everything was finished . . . if you took advantage of every opportunity that came your way . . . if you sought out every angle to maximize your abilities, improve your skills, and advance your career . . . you would never go home.
Likewise, if you stayed at home until every ounce of affection was poured out in all the appropriate places . . . if you kept giving until every emotional need was met . . . if you did every chore, finished the “honey do” list, and did everything necessary to ensure that everyone felt loved . . . you would never make it to work.
In fact, if you are a parent, you know that your kids alone could command every waking hour if you let them. Add to that your fitness goals, hobbies, and friendships. The list is endless and so are the time requirements.
So let me take some pressure off you. Your problem is not discipline. Your problem is not organization. Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble onto the perfect schedule. And your problem is not that the folks at home demand too much of your time. The problem is there is not enough time to get everything done that you are convinced—or others have convinced you—needs to get done.
As a result, someone or something is not going to get what they want from you, what they need from you, what they deserve from you . . . certainly not what they expect from you. There is no way around it. There is just not enough time in your day to be all things to all people. You are going to have to cheat somewhere. Our knee-jerk reaction to this dilemma is to answer the call of the squeakiest wheel. Whoever creates the biggest mess ends up with the lion’s share of our time and attention. We run from fire to fire, troubleshooting our way through life, rescuing the needy, and rewarding those who can’t seem to stay out of trouble.
But that certainly isn’t strategic and it doesn’t solve anything. Over time, our families learn that the only way to get our attention is to create a crisis. And let’s face it. It is amazing how much time we can steal from work when our kids are in crisis. Men and women become incredibly bold with their managers, company presidents, and boards when there is a crisis at home. What was unthinkable becomes non-negotiable.
I know a CEO who just spent twenty-nine days with his wife at a detox center six hundred miles from their home. Twenty-nine days. Yet over the past three years, he has done almost nothing in terms of investing in what he would tell you now is his most important relationship. And if anyone had suggested he take a twenty-nine-day vacation in order to invest in his marriage, he would have laughed. But he did—only when he had to.
I know a contractor who almost had to shut down his business in order to attend to his daughter’s drug addiction. He escorted her from one rehab center to another, trying to find her “the best medical treatment in the country.” This is the same guy who could never find the time to complete an entire week of vacation with his family. They left on Saturday; he joined them on Wednesday. But suddenly, he has the time.
Wouldn’t you do the same for your wife, your husband, and your kids? Of course you would. So why wait? Why cheat at work when you have no choice? Instead of allowing the most recent crisis to dictate where you cheat, why not allow your cheating to be governed by the greatest purpose? Why not cheat by design?
But how? How does someone cheat at work without destroying her career? And if you cheat your career goals, won’t that end up cheating your family in the long run? Can a homemaker cheat her ‘to do’ list without cheating her family?
These are complex issues. On paper, there seems to be no solution. But all is not as it appears. For as we will see, when we are willing to reprioritize in a way that honors our heavenly Father, he is willing to touch down in the midst of our personal chaos and bring the order and balance we so desperately desire.”