Kevin Beers’ Blog

Where Are You Cheating?

This is an excerpt taken from a book I read a while back entitled, ‘Choosing to Cheat’ by Andy Stanley.  I hope that is challenges you to evaluate how you spend your time as much as it has me.

“Everybody cheats. We have to. You have several important calls on your life. You have career potential to fulfill, a spouse to love, a family to raise, a ministry to perform. The list goes on. Each of these things has tremendous merit in your life and for the world at large. None of them should be neglected.

However, when you consider the limited number of hours in a day, there’s no way you can reach your full potential in all of those areas. There’s just not enough time.

Your situation isn’t that different from mine. If you stayed at work until everything was finished . . . if you took advantage of every opportunity that came your way . . . if you sought out every angle to maximize your abilities, improve your skills, and advance your career . . . you would never go home.

Likewise, if you stayed at home until every ounce of affection was poured out in all the appropriate places . . . if you kept giving until every emotional need was met . . . if you did every chore, finished the “honey do” list, and did everything necessary to ensure that everyone felt loved . . . you would never make it to work.

In fact, if you are a parent, you know that your kids alone could command every waking hour if you let them. Add to that your fitness goals, hobbies, and friendships. The list is endless and so are the time requirements.

So let me take some pressure off you. Your problem is not discipline. Your problem is not organization. Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble onto the perfect schedule. And your problem is not that the folks at home demand too much of your time. The problem is there is not enough time to get everything done that you are convinced—or others have convinced you—needs to get done.

As a result, someone or something is not going to get what they want from you, what they need from you, what they deserve from you . . . certainly not what they expect from you. There is no way around it. There is just not enough time in your day to be all things to all people. You are going to have to cheat somewhere. Our knee-jerk reaction to this dilemma is to answer the call of the squeakiest wheel. Whoever creates the biggest mess ends up with the lion’s share of our time and attention. We run from fire to fire, troubleshooting our way through life, rescuing the needy, and rewarding those who can’t seem to stay out of trouble.

But that certainly isn’t strategic and it doesn’t solve anything. Over time, our families learn that the only way to get our attention is to create a crisis. And let’s face it. It is amazing how much time we can steal from work when our kids are in crisis. Men and women become incredibly bold with their managers, company presidents, and boards when there is a crisis at home. What was unthinkable becomes non-negotiable.

I know a CEO who just spent twenty-nine days with his wife at a detox center six hundred miles from their home. Twenty-nine days. Yet over the past three years, he has done almost nothing in terms of investing in what he would tell you now is his most important relationship. And if anyone had suggested he take a twenty-nine-day vacation in order to invest in his marriage, he would have laughed. But he did—only when he had to.

I know a contractor who almost had to shut down his business in order to attend to his daughter’s drug addiction. He escorted her from one rehab center to another, trying to find her “the best medical treatment in the country.” This is the same guy who could never find the time to complete an entire week of vacation with his family. They left on Saturday; he joined them on Wednesday. But suddenly, he has the time.

Wouldn’t you do the same for your wife, your husband, and your kids? Of course you would. So why wait? Why cheat at work when you have no choice? Instead of allowing the most recent crisis to dictate where you cheat, why not allow your cheating to be governed by the greatest purpose? Why not cheat by design?

But how? How does someone cheat at work without destroying her career? And if you cheat your career goals, won’t that end up cheating your family in the long run? Can a homemaker cheat her ‘to do’ list without cheating her family?

These are complex issues. On paper, there seems to be no solution. But all is not as it appears. For as we will see, when we are willing to reprioritize in a way that honors our heavenly Father, he is willing to touch down in the midst of our personal chaos and bring the order and balance we so desperately desire.”

I had the opportunity to attend this incredible leadership conference in Atlanta, GA called Catalyst. Throughout my life this conference has been one of the biggest influences on who I am as a person and a leader. I hope you enjoy this highlight video as much as I did attending the event. I’ll blog about what I learned and walked away with over the next few posts.

In my last post I touched on the issue of having different kinds of conversations.  So how do we engage in these different kinds of conversations? I believe it really depends upon the questions we are asking about themselves on their journey (called life), their hobbies and interests, their experiences, their dreams, hopes and fears, their disappointments and achievements

Questions like…

• What was it about that experience that was so meaningful to you?
• What did you learn from that experience?
• If you could do that or face that experience again, what would you have changed or kept the same?
• That obviously touched you deeply.  What gave it so much impact for you?
• How has it changed your life since then?
• What do you most like about yourself?
• Tell me about the happiest time of your life?
• When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?
• Do you like who you’ve become?
• What makes a person good/trustworthy?
• Do you generally look forward to or dread tomorrow?  Why?
• How do you hope to be remembered?
• Who do you know who has made the world a better place?  Why do you say that?
• How are you making the world a better place?

You don’t ask these questions right away when you meet someone or all at once.  But as you get to know someone, they often appreciate our curiosity and engagement with them in sharing their experiences and life stories.

The reality is that most people don’t want to go beneath the surface – they just don’t know how.

Imagine what a difference it would make in our conversations and communities if we dared to ask the right questions and engage people where they have been and where they are at.  There is nothing more relevant that being real and having someone open up to you where they are at on their spiritual journey.  Now that is true evangelism!!!

Ever read something or hear something that affirmed exactly what you were thinking/marinating/wrestling over just a few days before?  That happened to me yesterday while reading an article from Dr. Tom Clegg, president of  CoachNet North America in “Neue Quarterly – neueministry.com” concerning the idea of evangelism.

What goes through your head when you hear the word, evangelism? I believe when the average Christ follower hears the word ‘evangelism’ they think – knocking on doors, tracts, stadiums, crappy Christian TV with a shouting embarrassing over zealous preacher, pressure, fear, and annoying.

What if evangelism was simply, another conversation?

No sales pitch, no agenda, no craziness… just another conversation where a follower of Christ mostly just asks questions, listens and reflects back on what they are hearing.  Doesn’t that sounds refreshing and enjoyable for both parties involved?

Dr. Glegg wrote about this very topic saying, “…if we’re sensitive to the needs of others, we can become more life-giving witnesses. Rather than believers directing the conversation to where we want it to go, we can simply listen to how the Holy Spirit is already at work within the person to whom we’re talking.  The resulting conversations are natural and engaging rather than pressured and artificial.“

Sounds like the way that Jesus interacted with people, doesn’t it?

• sinners
• tax collectors
• prostitutes

Jesus engaged them in conversation where they were comfortable and where He did most of the asking and listening.

What if we became a part of other people’s worlds instead of expecting them to become a part of ours – to be an influence without being easily influenced.  More often then not, I believe we will see a whole network of people experiencing the transforming power of the Gospel.

So how do engage in these different kinds of conversations?  I believe it really depends upon the questions we are asking in those conversations (which I will address in my next post).

In the mean time, look for each conversation God brings in your path today and ask, listen and reflect on what was said just as Jesus modeled.

What if you could sit down across your desk with some of the best leaders in today’s church and hear what they would say to you?

That’s the idea behind THE NINES.

THE NINES is a free one-day event that will take place totally on-line. It is designed for all church staff members who want to be motivated and stretched in their leadership.

Leadership Network asked some of the church’s greatest communicators: “If you had nine minutes to talk one-on-one with thousands of church leaders, what is the one thing that you would tell them? The result is a series of passionate and personal messages that will help you and your church navigate into the future.

The format is simple: Nine minute video leadership lessons that can helpmultiply your church’s impact. You will be stretched as a leader, and motivated as a church. And you’ll hear a personal word from many of the leaders you know and trust (along with some great new leaders we’ll introduce you to). It all starts at 9:00 a.m. Central time on 09/09/09.

I’ll tell you how it goes after the event.  Check it out at http://thenines.leadnet.org/ starting at 9am CST

I just finished Rob Bell’s latest coffee table book this evening entitled “Drops Like Stars”.  I found it to be very artistic and unique in form and writing style.  Very much different than his three previous books.  I enjoyed the simplistic nature and story/illustration driven examples that drove home some incredible points and perspectives about suffering and pain in our lives.  Here is a section from the book:

We plot, we plan, we assume things are going to go
A certain way and then they don’t and we find ourselves
In a new place, a place we haven’t been before, a place
We never would have imagined on our own,

And so it was difficult and unexpected and maybe even
Tragic and yet it opened us up and freed us to see
Things in a whole new way

Suffering does that—
It hurts,
But it also creates.

How many of the most significant moments in your
Life came not because it all went right, but because
It all fell apart?

It’s strange how there can be art in the agony…

I know in my own family, the last 3 years have been so difficult – filled with pain and suffering.  But it is in those times that we have grown closer together, learned how to love each other more, been reminded of what we do have and felt God’s presence and power more than ever.  God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.

If you are someone who has experienced pain in your life or know someone who has (I think we are all in both those categories) I would highly recommend reading Rob Bell’s “Drop Like Stars”.

For more information on Drop Like Stars and Rob Bell’s Tour Dates check out – https://www.robbell.com/dropslikestars/

Social Networking is described as – “ a social structure made of individuals which are connected by one or more specific types of interdependency, such as friendship, kinship, financial exchange, dislike, relationships of beliefs, knowledge or prestige.” (via Wikipedia).

Check out this amazing video concerning Social Networking:

These statistics beg me to ask the following questions:

• Are you (like me) connected to these networks?
• How are we, as the Church, going to leverage these networks for the Kingdom?

“I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.” - 1 Corinthians 9:21-23

~Lets do out part~

Here is my summary of the message I gave last week on self-image entitled “Self Reflection”

Many people are requesting a copy of my message this past weekend.  Let me just say that I am humbled and honored to be able to be apart of God’s plan to encourage and challenge you to view yourself differently each day.

So, here it is…

Feel free to listen to it or download it from http://www.wchchurch.org

• under worship/online messages
• online message
• launch audio player
• Aug 16th – Self Reflection

Thanks again for your encouragement!  All Glory and Honor to God!